Mange stiller seg spørsmålet; Hvorfor tiltrekker jeg meg narsissister, og som det derfor blir noen ord om idag. Innlegget i dag med tittel “hvorfor tiltrekker jeg meg narsissister?” er hentet fra en engelsk fagartikkel som opplevdes veldig nyttig å lese. Og som jeg derfor fikk lyst til å dele på bloggen. Artikkelen gir også tips til hvordan unngå å involveres i forhold med personer som mishandler deg,
Fagartikkelen jeg refererer til, er skrevet av den anerkjente amerikanske gestaltterapeuten Ellinor Greenberg Ph.D, CGP, som har spesialfelt NPD og andre personlighetsforstyrrelser. Hun har fått publisert mange fagartikler om sitt spesialfelt. Nederst i dette innlegget, finner du lenke til hele fagartikkelen.
Hvorfor tiltrekker jeg meg narsissister?
Many people feel as if they are “narcissist magnets.” If there is a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder within 100 feet, they believe that somehow that person will be attracted to them. They often ask me: “Why am I attracting more narcissists than anyone else around me? What can I do to stop this?” If you share this problem, I may have some answers for you.
It may not be that you attract more narcissists than other people, but you may be keeping more. Let me explain.
Let’s imagine that you are looking for a new mate. You go out on a date with someone that you find attractive and witty. After a few dates, you notice that your new romantic interest is exquisitely sensitive to slights, needs to be the center of admiring attention, ignores your feelings, and requires lots of reassurance about how great he or she is. You do not need to be able to diagnose a narcissist to be disturbed by this type of behavior. At this point, many people who have no knowledge of narcissism at all will politely disengage themselves from the relationship because the trouble of catering to their new friend’s needs outweighs any possible benefits. What do you do?
Here are some questions to think about:
- Have you ever ended a relationship because the other person was too selfish?
- Do you have clear boundaries that you enforce about what types of behaviors you will or will not tolerate from a romantic partner?
- If a relationship began wonderfully, but quickly goes downhill, do you stay in it hoping that it will improve?
- Do you put up with being devalued?
- Do you make excuses for the other person’s bad behavior?—They don’t really mean it. They had a hard day.
- If the person’s behavior turns abusive do you leave immediately?
If any of the above seem to relate to you, you probably need to revisit your standards of what you will tolerate from a romantic partner. This does not mean that you should never date people with narcissistic traits, but you do need to develop better strategies for sifting out those people whose bad behavior distresses you. Some people do this automatically. If they feel taken advantage of or uncomfortable, they exit the relationship without looking back. You may be giving the wrong people too many chances and staying with them too long. This increases the likelihood that you are keeping narcissistic people that others would weed out before they got seriously hurt.
Many people get seduced back into relationships with narcissistic people because the person pursues them in what feels like such a flattering way. They mistake the narcissist’s desire to win, for love of them as an individual. This is a basic misunderstanding of what is going on. This pursuit has nothing to do with your good qualities or their positive feelings about you. It is all about the narcissistic individual’s self-esteem. At this point, they could care less about you and your good qualities. All they care about is winning.
Greenberg sier følgende om hvordan unngå skadelige forhold med narsissister
Let me share with you a few basic rules that may help you avoid ongoing unpleasant relationships with people who have narcissistic disorders:
Rule 1: If you have already rejected them for bad behavior, do not take them back. It is highly unlikely that they will behave any differently in the future.
Rule 2: If they did not respect your boundaries in the beginning of the relationship, they will not respect your boundaries later.
Rule 3: Trust your Gut. If being with this person makes you feel uncomfortable or they regularly maneuver you into doing things that you do not want to do, he or she is probably not right for you. Trust your own instincts.
Punchline: It is not a good relationship if you repeatedly feel bad.
Hele artikkelen kan leses her:
Om Elinor Greenberg:
Elinor Greenberg, Ph.D., CGP, is an internationally renowned Gestalt therapy trainer who specializes in teaching the diagnosis and treatment of Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid adaptations in a lively and practical way. She has trained psychotherapists in her approach in the US, Norway, Sweden, Wales, England, Russia, and Mexico.
Dr. Greenberg is an Associate Editor of Gestalt Review, a faculty member of the New York Institute for Gestalt Therapy, and a faculty to the Gestalt Center for Psychotherapy and Training where she designed and teaches a post-graduate program on the diagnosis and treatment of Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations.www.elinorgreenberg.com
