Ja, hvorfor truer narsissisten de dem elsker? Dette er en problemstilling jeg har tenkt mye rundt, fordi jeg selv opplevde vonde trusler i et forhold, samtidig som min eks sa at han elsket meg. Men uten å finne gode forklaringer på hvorfor dette skjedde og hvorfor han gjorde dette. Og som jeg tilslutt fant svaret på: Hvorfor narsissisten truer de dem elsker, bunner i et behov for kontroll.
Les utdrag fra en artikkel som sier mye om problemstillingen; hvorfor narsissisten truer de dem elsker, og som føltes veldig nyttig å lese. Artikkelen er på engelsk.
Artikkelen jeg referer til, er skrevet av den anerkjente amerikanske gestaltterapeuten Ellinor Greenberg Ph.D, CGP, som har spesialfelt NPD og andre personlighetsforstyrrelser. Nederst i dette innlegget, finner du lenke til hele artikkelen.
Les også: En anbefalt bok om psykisk vold og hvordan reise seg igjen
Greenberg sier dette om hvorfor narsissisten truer de dem elsker
It is very common for people with NPD to resort to threats to get their way. The main reason that they do this, is because they cannot understand anyone else’s point of view when it differs from their own, or empathize with anyone else’s agenda. They experience your refusal to agree with them or obey them as either unnecessary or a direct declaration of war against their self-esteem. They are convinced that this gives them the right to threaten you in order to take back control and make you do what they want. When they succeed in cowing you, their self-esteem rises—and yours, unfortunately, declines.
Her er en detaljert forklaring fra Greenberg
Stikkordene er følgende:
Sense of Entitlement + One-Mindedness + Lack of Emotional Empathy + Lack of a Sense of Proportion = Likely to resort to threats in order to exercise control over the other person.
- Sense of Entitlement
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder often get very stuck in the present moment. They decide that they want something from you. In the background is their vast sense of entitlement that is working like an emotional and oversized engine. They literally believe that, of course, you will do whatever they ask of you.
Then comes the shock: You say “no” or you propose something different.
- One-Mindedness
Narcissists suffer from “one-mindedness.” Like a small child, they cannot grasp that different points of view can be equally valid. Therefore, the only way they can interpret your “no” is as a direct attack on them. In their mind, you are saying they are wrong. This makes you their enemy.
- Lack of Emotional Empathy
They are ill-equipped to take your feelings into consideration because they lack emotional empathy. They do not feel bad when they hurt you. This leads them to use only their feelings as their guide.
- Lack of a Sense of Proportion
If you have been around people with NPD, you are likely to have noticed that when they are angry, they lose all sense of proportion. They tend to get equally enraged by something small—the way you prefer to load the dishwasher—and something much more important—that you are breaking up with them.
I know this sounds extreme and as if I am exaggerating, but if you decide to live with a narcissist, you will find them picking terrible fights over what most people consider very trivial matters.
Greenberg sier videre om hvorfor narsissisten truer
So where do the threats come into this?
Remember that “stuckness” I mentioned earlier? When you combine entitlement, one-mindedness, lack of empathy, with no sense of proportion; this makes a wicked and primitive brew. This moment becomes all there is. Time stops right here for the narcissist.
They feel desperate. Right now, the fact that you are doing something other than what they want, feels like the most important thing in the world to the narcissistic individual.
This is when they threaten you. They have lost all sense of rational perspective. They are enraged by your non-compliance. They believe you are making a statement about them by your behavior that they interpret as follows:
You are saying to them:
You are wrong! I am right! I don’t care about what you feel or want. I am simply being pigheaded and are refusing to give you what you want. You can’t make me!
They become even more enraged because they are interpreting everything that you say and do as a personal attack. They believe at a subconscious level that their self-esteem is on the line. If they do not make you give in, this means that you win, and they lose. They believe that they have to control you because if they lose, this means that you are now better than them and have demolished their sense of self-worth.
- Threats
So…to protect their self-esteem and get what they want, they devalue and threaten you. They try to scare you into agreeing with them. Often the threats are surprisingly vague.
Her er lenke til hele artikkelen:
